Plastic Doll Causes Midwestern Family Hysteria

I meant to post this blog around Thanksgiving time, as that is when the original incident occured. If I had known just how much hysteria a plastic baby doll would cause...

It was a cold, dark night, the eve of Thanksgiving. Family had gathered in celebration of the holiday. Turkey had been eaten, wine had been drunk. The gift was given innocently enough. My five year old cousin was delighted with the cuddly plastic baby doll she received for her birthday, a model and make of doll that my sister also had. The baby doll said cute, cuddly phrases like "Mama" and "Goo goo ga ga." We then said goodbye and I went to bed that night unaware of the coming turmoil.

And then the phone rang. At 6 am the next morning. It seems that the baby doll had come to life and was saying "Allah is the light." Oh, a baby doll that understands world religions, you may be thinking. Well, imagine the horror that simple phrase would wreck on a good, Christian Midwestern family. I brought my sister's baby doll out but, alas, could not decipher "Allah is the light" amidst her goo's and ga's. But over yonder, my cousin's baby doll was apparently saying "Allah is the light" to the point that the doll was returned to the store despite my cousin's tears and affection for her.

Then came the conspiracy theories! And the madness! Perhaps Chinese workers were plotting to take over America by recording anti-Christian messages in our plastic toys produced in mass quantities for next to nothing, as our consumer society demanded. By the end of the day, amidst the phone calls between family, with Matel (the maker of the doll), and the threatening to take my sister's doll away, we felt as if we had endured a great battle. If it weren't for my sister insisting her doll had been baptized and was now a Christian, we might have lost two dolls that day.

Never a doll - I mean dull - moment with the family.