Orlando Trip - Part One

“Isn’t that going to be stressful for you?” my boss asked. That was her response when I told her my 26-year-old sister is joining me on my latest work trip to Orlando, FL this week. After a few days at the conference, during which she will sleep in and relax by the pool, we are going to Disneyworld. And I am looking forward to it. This practice of having a family member join you at a conference is not too far from the norm. Other colleagues of mine are bringing their spouse, girlfriend, and even their children.

So I was offended by my boss’ response. In fact it was just the response I was dreading. But part of why it struck a nerve is it was the lingering question in the back of my mind. My sister, a kind tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, social gal with a dizzying array of social activities in her city – from swimming to theater to golf – has a developmental disability. She is technically the “r” word, though I hate to use that word, and has ADD. Nevertheless my sister’s excitement is contagious and her now daily morning calls are filled with questions about Disneyworld.

Which brings me back to this innocent question – “Isn’t that going to be stressful for you?” It sends me down the rabbit hole of unsettling questions. Why would it be stressful to have my sister around? If she did not have a disability would that still be someone’s response? Then again plenty of people I know have siblings who are stressful to be around, with or without a disability. Was there an assumption, however unintended, that being with people with disabilities is stressful? Had my boss ever thought that maybe, it’s fun? Or that maybe, it’s all I’ve ever known so there is no other “norm” to which I can compare?

And I come back up out of the rabbit hole wanting more. Every day people balance work, life, and family. You can’t control the family you are given nor does your traditional family necessarily become those you consider to be family. While I appear single and childless in reality I have a sister who commands my attention in the same way a child might at times. Though I don’t shoulder responsibility for her day-to-day care, I often consider her in my plans. So what I want more of is acknowledgement of my family responsibilities, and for them to be accepted and respected.

I wish my boss had said the same thing to me that was said to my colleague who is bringing his girlfriend with to Orlando – “Oh, great! I can’t wait to meet her.”

Because I have met my sister, and she’s fun. So over the next week, I'll blog about our trip, which knowing my sister means there will be funny, and silly, moments.